Whats wrong with me? Breakdowns : (?

I keep having breakdowns I have had maybe six in the past month, this morning I had one because I didn't feel pretty enough. I Try to be so prefect, But of course people still say stuff, and all I could think of when I was getting ready was what the people would say about me who talk *&^%$# everyday if I didn't try being so perfect :( I have a lot with my family too, My mom wouldn't take me to a game so I cried for hours because You would think that parents what their children to participate in that stuff, not mine, that might make my step dad mad that mom has to give me attention to do that :/ I really wanna die everyday, and it's mainly because of my step father I believe I get good grades, and I never do anything to get in trouble no , alcohol drugs, nothing.. but he has never spoken to me other than to yell at me, or looked me in the eyes in the eight years They have been married, and I think that could be the reason why I try so hard to impress people at school? I don't even talk to my mother unless if he is not around because If I try he will just tell me to stfu or be nosey about what we are talking about, I have no relationship with her at all, and she doesn't understand.. everytime I have these breakdowns I cry too hard to tell her whats wrong, so she thinks its just something stupid, I don't know what to do :/